I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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