Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
