His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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