shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize