Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
