I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
