This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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