i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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