You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my being single is dangerous.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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