Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
