dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
