think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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