I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
