I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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