my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize