Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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