Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
