I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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