after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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