Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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