Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
