Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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