I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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