I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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