Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
