I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
