Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
