When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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