Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
