the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
