its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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