Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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