coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
