well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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