The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
As shirtless as possible
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
