Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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