Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
