4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
