I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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