Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
