an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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