Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
