Are we in a gay sports bar?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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