Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Randomize
