I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
