I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
