Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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