Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
