No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
