i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
