dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
