how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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