Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have post one night stand depression
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