note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize