I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
