You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
