so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
