A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize