My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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