I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
