Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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