somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
