Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
