he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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