At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
