So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize