I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
