I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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