Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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